"Lucky", one adjective that people used to describe me. Lucky in so many things; lucky for having my family who raised me well, gave me wealth and taught me good values. Lucky for having few but true friends who are always there beside me whenever I need them. Lucky for having these talents and skills that God has endowed me. But, what they don't know is, behind those every reason why I'm lucky for them, are undefined scrutinies.

Fake smiles, forced laughter, coughing-up punchlines.. those are just things that I am good at. Why? Because, in every smile I fake, in every laugh I force and in every punchline, that would leave you coughing-up, that I crack is a story. An indefinite story. In the pace of life, humanity is not anymore naive about challenges and trials. We, ourselves, experience these things. All of us experience major and minor challenges in life. How we handle these struggles on a daily basis determines our physical, as well as our mental well-being. It takes only a single event to convince us we have no control over our circumstances. And I, as a student and the middle child in the family, face so many challenges. As I mentioned, I am the middle child in the family, which I find very difficult to deal with. I always feel that I'm alone, that I am left out in some points in my life. Dealing with this kind of challenge makes me wanna give up and throw up! In my own story line, which God is the writer, I do not know yet what lies ahead of me.

Being alone is a very difficult thing to deal with. I do not know why I feel this way. It seems that I am with nobody and nowhere. Yes, I am lucky for having my family who gave me wealth and financial support. In fact, I can have everything I want through money. But, I don't care about those stuff, even they're millions and billions of those, I still don't care. My concerns are, I want a family who would be always there when I need them, who would give me a tap on my shoulders whenever I achieve something and who would be satisfied about the things that I am doing. I want a family who support me morally in whatever I do for goodness sake. I want a family who would not question me about what I've done and to what I have done not. I want a family who would not bare false witnesses against me. Crucial discouragement, it upsets me actually. It makes me wanna return my life to God! It makes me think that, all that I have achieved were useless as a futile!